Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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