You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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