When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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