dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
