that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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