he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
