I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
