What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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