It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
