smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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