i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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