I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
