we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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