Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
