Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
