how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
