Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
