She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to have your abortion
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
