She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
