really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
