I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
