my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
