Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
