I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're too hungover to prance.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
