Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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