I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
