i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
