Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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