I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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