***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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