Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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