He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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