PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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