just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
