dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
