I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
