If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When are your genitals available?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
