My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
