i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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