we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
