Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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