I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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