there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
