We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
