hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
