...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
