So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
