I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
