Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize