before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We need to rekindle our bromance
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
