i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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