I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
