there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
