Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
