My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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