I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
