I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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