I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
