I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ass is underappreciated
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
