I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
