Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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