Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
