im drinking this country out of the recession.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
