I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
