Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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