The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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