Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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