my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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