8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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