I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
