At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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