I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
