I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dear god my vagina.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
